Okay, Fuck it

This is personal. I think it's time for me to rant.
But what the fuck can I rant about? I'm ranting about ranting. I'm sick of it.
You know when you rant so much about something that when it's time to tell the person that really cares, you don't know what to do or say? Everything just disappeared out of your head on what you wanted to say. Your mind goes blank, and you're like "Nevermind, I'm okay now."
Or sometimes it's that you can't really tell the truth on what you're feeling. Or thinking. Or doing. I don't even know the truth out of all the lies I told people. I don't want to lie anymore, so I gave up in the people that I was spinning lies to, spilled out part of the secrets I've been hiding to certain people, and decided to let myself get free of this. I can't feel satiated though. I don't know what's going to happen. I hate this lack of control there is here. I hate feeling caged. I want to do all these things, but when can I do them? Where can I do them? What little resources I have that I can't find the proper teachers (for cheap or free) that I want to learn from. Youtube only teaches so much, and either way I'm sitting in the middle of the living room for this.

Nevermind, I just got off the phone with my hunni bunni, and I kind of feel better. He said he'll come with me to the things I wanna go see. I want to experience the world, not sit in a room full of high kids or things as such.