My Dreams Were All Dead And Buried

My dreams are speaking too much to me about my subconscious fears.
Anyway, I got to see the baby and my family, I love them so much.
I'm so low on money it's crazy and depressing.
I hope to live a great fabulous life, but who knows, I just have to persevere.
I'm so tired.
I don't have time for poetry right now.
Goodnight.

The Hollow

With the slightest
touch
You're ablaze
yet
There's nothing left in
the ocean

A rippled wave.


Reach out for a hand
Drawing back.
The exchange of words
Often slack.



From

nothing.
To

something.

Pulse and pressure
Take

these.

Off me.
Do I measure?


Something will always be missing
When it comes to this
Is it the lack of interaction
Maybe what's left
is


Significance.

Hello again

I haven’t been very active, but the truth is that even with such space in time, it seems that there isn’t much to say. Even if I did say a lot, there is no more meaning in the word. I believe that the only time something impacts you so strongly should be kept to yourself. What’s more intimate than an actual real life journal to write in and express your thoughts? I haven’t written a poem since November. Not because I don’t care about poetry anymore, but because everything seems so damn cliche. A few months from now and it will just be a silly memory or another little thought and blog posted into the millions of people in cyberspace to browse through or not even see. Originality has never existed, but re-interpration lives. Everything is recycled from the past, and there is no doubt that something you are going to has been experienced or will be experienced by someone else at some point in time. I am not a pessimist nor an optimist anymore. I try to look at life as what it really is, although I do love to day dream of what ifs could haves and would haves. But I know reality now, and believe me in the past year I have suffered a lot, but not enough. I have suffered more than my peers who said I was rich and spoiled, I am dirt poor, living off someone else. I have dehumanized myself just for money and pretended to be a dumb pretty girl just to get extra tips to serve men their liquor. I feel as though I have been slowly desensitized and often miss the extreme emotions I would go through when I was younger. I am not sad nor am I happy. I am persevering and that’s what counts. People change all the time, yet I feel I am the same. I am trying to mature much faster than my friends who are years older than me.

Revenge

Karma is not revenge. Forgiveness can be revenge, but karma is fate itself. I do not control karma. I can see how I feel about something, and I can allow myself to forgive, and or forget about something.
The worst part is that some people ask for revenge. Some people expect you to be rash and irrational, evil and angry. These people I ran across asked me why I wasn't mad, and got irritated by my docile answers.
Honestly, sometimes people are able to forgive. Me as a person, I forgive too much. On the other hand, with these people, I did not let them back into my life like I usually do. I let them go, and leave, and they can go on live their lives without me. I can live without someone such as them. Either way, you were probably too full of yourself to think you deserve my hatred. I do give them props- they did inspire me to write.
There is only one person that I wouldn't be able to forgive, but I have yet ot find out the truth. Later on maybe.

Hour Glass

Slowly time passes, and yet I do nothing. I count the grains of sand dripping. One by one, selectively. What else is there to do when you are sealed in a room, tightly shut? Nevermind, I think I'll go stare at a wall now, I don't feel like writing anymore.

Body Movement

Yesterday I took my first Tribal Fusion Belly Dance class with my friend Arielle by a teacher named Mala("bad girl" in Spanish). It was so much fun and through this experience I was able to gain an even better understanding and love of the dance. Watching my body actually move (correctly- our teacher was pretty good) and realizing and understanding my "center" made me realize that I do, indeed have a body. A real, moving, body. I actually got well at the one thing that I absolutely couldn't do, which was ondulations. Arielle and I had a lot of fun, and I felt so strange taking a bus in Manhattan headed downtown so I could take my train to the Bronx. I can't wait until my next class, I'm going to try to convince someone to switch hours with me for next Tuesday. The teachers said that they would take volunteers if anyone wanted to perform with the when they have a show. Arielle and I really want to. I don't know if I stressed this enough, but the fact that I was able to find my "center".... I guess I'm becoming more aware of my body and my spiritual being- I am one in both, and most people have forgotten that.

Doppleganger

Year after year, we existed in a love-hate friendship. I've realized this. Not only do my best friends look like me in ways, but I have this complex with them where I can not get along with them after a while but then we make up, are good for a while, and repeat from step one. I have a feeling I can get close to this one person, but it would be stupid to let her know my secrets. It's stupid to let anyone know my secrets I've realized. Keep it on an intellectual or silly level, but do not talk to me of your problems and I need to learn to not talk to you of my serious problems. If my friendship with you were to become public, it in itself would create drama with almost everyone I know. Let's keep this as two similar minds with similar interests, but no gossiping will be allowed from this point forth in any friendship. I need to get rid of my sidekick seriously, because I was mentally healthier when I wasn't on aim and facebook all of the damn time- even at work. I found it isn't good to go ahead and have all of your friends meet and coerce with each other because then drama gets created and then there begins the needless debate on what exactly what was said, by who, what tone it was said in and trying to know the pre-post info on the statement. Nothing is really ever done and rarely has it been done in history where people came face to face to tell others what their honest thoughts were. Even if they do, they turn out rude. I'm tired, whatever. I hope to see my doppleganger soon.